So I've finally found a balance between working, sleeping, running, and free time (arranged in order of importance). For a long time, I had totally unreal expectations for my running and workout schedule, and when I inevitably slept in and skipped my workout morning after morning, I beat myself up about it and wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the little free time I had, telling myself that I should spend that free time running or doing something active. I often say I have more guilt than an Irish-Catholic Jew, and let me tell you, that's a crushing amount of guilt. And for no good reason. Guilt, like anxiety, is a useless emotion that doesn't solve anything or do anything or anyone any good.

Fortunately, I finally allowed myself a little break. I acknowledged that I simply did not have the time or energy to run 40 minutes every morning and 2 hours on the weekends. Now, my run schedule is much more friendly to my work schedule, which means my free time more enjoyable, and though my sleep is still horribly irregular, 3 out of 4 isn't bad.

And since Sean and I aren't pinching pennies anymore, we've been starting to indulge a little bit in things that would have been impossible to do a year ago. I've always wanted to study a martial art. The fact that I have zero combative skills has always bothered me. Luckily, I've never been in a situation where I would need these skills, but it's important for everyone to know how to defend themselves properly and if necessary, defend others. And while those 'self defense for women' courses are definitely better than just ignorantly thinking you could take care of yourself if someone attacked you, they are still seriously lacking.

I did a lot of research and decided to join the martial arts school my husband goes to for BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu). Except I'm not a big fan of submissions and grappling, so I'm studying Muay Thai. Muay Thai appealed to me for a lot of reasons:

1) Toughness. Muay Thai is specifically designed to promote the level of fitness and toughness required for ring competition. The training and conditioning (running is an absolute necessaity) of fighters is generally referred to as 'intense' and 'scary.'
2) It works with my frame. People in Thailand are short and not usually very built, and so the fighting style is designed around people with that frame. Most women have the same type of frame, and they can adapt to the fighting style and make it work for them in the way it was designed.
3) It's going to kick my ass. I've never kicked my ass while I was running. I've run fast, got injured, and done what some people would think is abnormal and unnecessary, but I've never had my ass kicked. I've never had a coach to run me until I had nothing left, and I don't have the decipline to do that to myself (yet). But now I'll have a sensai who won't let me off the mat until I've finished those 50 push ups, or 30 minutes of shadow boxing. I've been told there's no way to train yourself for Muay Thai, even if you've done martial arts in the past. And I am a total glutton for punishment.

And the school my husband and I go to is good. My sensei isn't going to throw me into a sparring match with a huge guy who has been studying Muay Thai for years and will turn my clumsy body into a wad of cookie dough. It's a good group of guys (and one or two girls), who help and look out for each other and help everyone advance. They're deciplined and serious about learning.

Saturday morning is my first class, and I'm truly excited.